I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
