I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
