No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
