OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I party with great urgency now.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
