like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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