You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Randomize
