A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
