Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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