evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
