We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
