i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
