I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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