Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
