Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
