ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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