Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
