My hand turned me down
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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