the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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