I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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