I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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