yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
