saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Couch. On fire.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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