Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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