Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
