i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
