quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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