Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
