A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
