It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
