I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
