I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
