I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
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it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
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I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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