his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm at about main and main street
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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