mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
