I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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