She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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