I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
