I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
