He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
