my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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