those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
