xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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