i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
