Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
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he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
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My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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