That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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