she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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