She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
