Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
