im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
