Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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