Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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