Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
