Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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