Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
