fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
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