I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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