sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i used baking grease as lip gloss
it's great music for shaving your balls
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
