Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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