u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
