Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
It's shark week go big or go home
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
