Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
