Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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