I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
