If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
We are two peas in an std pod
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize