And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
