I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
