apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I have post one night stand depression
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
