john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
