If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
