I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
