ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
