New low: just hacked my moms facebook
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
