This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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