Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
