I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I think a kid would responsible me up
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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