Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
