Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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