I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
